The Incredibly large Sandwich

Today I went downtown and watched Jean Renoir's classic film The Rules of the Game. I was impressed, I think it is maybe the best movie I have ever seen in my life. You should watch it if you get the chance - but don't rent it on DVD, wait until it is playing at a theater because black and white just doesn't look that good on tv.

I couldn't find anybody else who wanted to watch it so I went by myself. Afterwards I felt hungry, so I walked to the nearby Safeway for a snack to eat, while I sat down and thought about the movie, and that is when I saw it.

The most ridiculously large sandwich I have ever witnessed. It was made out of an entire loaf of French bread! At first I ignored the sandwich - I went to look for chocolate milk. But the thought of the sandwich stayed with me. A sandwich of such immense size almost seemed like a direct challenge - like mount Everest, the nature of it's stature demanded that it be reckoned with and if possible - tamed.

I bought the Sandwich, and gloated over it in my arms, as though it were a trophy sized fish. Then I lugged it outside and down to the park blocks. Keep in mind that in the above picture half of the sandwich has been consumed, it was twice as big.

I worked on the sandwich in shifts, pausing to drink milk and call friends for encouragement. It was late in the evening and I noticed that the people walking by seemed afraid of the sandwich. Horrified even. They would not make eye contact with me, whether out of fear or aversion I do not know. Even the two cops on bicycles, who were kicking everybody out of the park at that late hour, turned their heads and cycled away quickly.

The only people who approached me during this monumental undertaking were two drunk frat boys who yelled at me from across the street. They demanded that I sell them some weed. I don't know why. I ignored them and continued to take steady chews off the sandwich - eventually they left.

In the end, I realized I had met more than my match in the sandwich - that it could not be done. I felt very light headed after eating only half of the sandwich, and I was afraid that I might black out there in the park and have to use the sandwich as a makeshift covering against nightfall. Dizzy, I biked home with the sandwich tucked under one arm like a two by four. I think I will feed it to my dog.