Early Riser Doctor's Hours

It's not quite 8 a.m.  and I'm already sipping my first cup of coffee over the newspaper. I've been up for two hours and have already walked the dog, visited the bank and done a load of laundry. This isn't like me. Usually I am more of a night owl than a morning person.

I have to admit - a feller could get used to this. Even here in the usually frenetic Fresh pot coffee shop the atmosphere is somewhat austere and quiet. The morning still in it's pristine wrapping of possibility. Since I moved into a basement I have been having trouble getting up in the morning. There is no natural light. Often I would struggle out of bed, in dim darkness, at eleven o'clock in the morning.

I read an article on Slate recommending the use of Melatonin.  My girlfriend has to wake at 6 this week to commute to a job out in the country so we thought we'd give it a try. The key is to take the Melatonin hours before you want to sleep. Like 5. I have tried the stuff before but it didn't seem to do anything. Last night I took it at 7 and by midnight I was conked out like a whack-a-mole. I slept hard. The kind of sleep you usually have to put in 10 hours of manual labour to earn. Kind of weird.

If this stuff allows you to pick your bed time at will then what is the ideal bed time for mankind? What is the best time to wake up? Five ? Too early? Six, seven, eight, nine? They each have benefits and detractions . . .

This all reminds me of my very good friend who once took up what he claimed were "Doctor's Hours". This meant getting up at 4 a.m. I think he went to bed at about 8 p.m. He said he had heard this was the schedule that busy doctor's adhere to although I have never heard of such a thing. Anyhow it seems to have changed his life. He said the mornings were so quiet and still he could get everything that he needed to do done by lunch time and then relax, because " nobody is gonna hassle you early in the morning, everybody just quietly goes about doing their own thing." Which makes sense. I think people don't start to get frazzled until about 2 p.m. or so. The doctor's hours worked, at least for him, he went from being a slacker to getting his homework done, graduating, traveling to Japan, starting a family and getting into law school.

So, what if there is a magic pill that can turn you into an early bird, would you take it?

Gigantic Buddha crushes Portland!

Rose or Wrestler

20 Actual names of rose varieties that would make really terrible names for professional wrestlers, mixed with 12 actual names of pro-wrestlers.

1. Cocoa Samoa
2. Blushing Knockout
3. Badnews Brown
4. Outta the Blue
5. Weeman
6. “leaping” Larry Crane
7. Just Joey
8. Sexy Rexy
9. Sensational Sherri
10. Fabulous Moolah
11. Golden Showers
12. Wild Dancer
13. Peter Frankenfield
14. Social Climber
15. Europeana
16. The Spoiler
17. The Generous Gardener
18. Toulous-lautrec
19. Gift of life
20. Lord Alfred Hayes
21. Dinty parks
22. Misterio de Muerte
23. Captain Thomas
24. Texas Outlaw #1
25. Carefree wonder
26. Berries n’ Cream
27. Class Act
28. Moose Cholak
29. Lucky Pierce
30. Kiss n’ tell
31. Sentimental Schoolgirl
32. The Scufflin Hillbilly





( The Answer Key - #’s . . . 1,3,6,10,16,20,21,22,24,28 and 32 are actual names of actual pro-wrestlers.)

hello

Let's get this blog moving again !I haven't written a thing all year! Thus alienating the two readers this blog has ever had. But I vow to start posting again because I love the collage like ability a blog has to mix in different media . . .

Top Secret New Project

I am collaborating with a friend on a top secret new project. I can't post any details except that I am doing the writing and he is doing the art work. It is shaping up to look pretty cool ! Here is the first piece.

Money does buy happiness

This new study shows that the more money you have the happier you are.  Who knew ?!

I think I broke my tailbone

So about a week ago I went down to Tijuana to get a burrito and while I was there I rode a mechanical bull while under the influence of a couple cervezas and Oxycontin. They sell pain-killers in Tijuana like they are candy, my friends and I bought a hand-full at an ice cream store. Frankly I don't see what the huge draw is - the only effect I noticed besides a mild euphoria was a general increase in my already powerful, latent stupidity to try new and dumb things.

Oh good Lord ! - what was I thinking?I have a whole new respect for bull-riders. While from the ground a mechanical bull does not appear to be going to fast and furious it is much more awkward than it looks. During the largest of the bucks I flew up into the air about a foot and came down upon the metal handle that sticks squarely in the center of the bull. Yowza. 

It has been about a week and a half and I still can't sit straight. Granted, I can sit slumped, slouched, cock-eyed, I can lounge, sag, loaf or lean on one ass-cheek at a time, but I can not just plain sit.

This is what is known as a Coccyx fracture. It is a small wedge shaped bone, rather reminiscent of the fatty tail of a cooked chicken I think. Basically there is nothing to be done to help a broken Coccyx, other than the usual take tylenol and drink plenty of fluids, etc.

Oh the irony ! That is what I get for gobbling unneeded pain-killers.